Ask Femme; Makeup That Caters to His Delicate Sensibilities

Kicking off this #AskFemme series, is Special Delicate Snowflake, who writes:

screenshot_2017-01-30-13-09-09-1.png

Oops! I apologize, this isn’t a question, but an ignorant ass statement us silly girls are supposed to give a flying fuckersnoodle about for some indiscernible reason.

Before eviscerating the fuck out of this ingrown taint hair of a “human”, I’ll be fair and show y’all what he’s responding to:

Well that didn’t help his case much. On to the evisceration!

“Women *should* be *allowed* to wear as much or as little makeup as they want, it’s their personal choice.”

Thanks for the kind gesture, Scottyboy, but this right was never yours to grant. Now scurry on back to the garage and bake me some spark plugs.

“However, it’s important to note it’s an advantage women have over men, being able to artificially increase their physical attractiveness to attract men/women”

Nice try, Scottyboy, but you ain’t foolin’ nobody with that cute little ‘/women’ tacked on there. You’re still assuming we wear makeup to impress a potential partner because you’re assuming the ultimate goal for women is companionship. Get the fuck outta here with that Steve Harvey bullshit.

“Unfortunately, it’s still not socially acceptable for men to wear makeup”

Because of toxic masculinity mostly perpetuated by cis-males, which feminists of ALL genders have been fighting since day one. You’re welcome.

“and most women don’t want to date a feminine man, as makeup is seen as a feminine thing”

HAHAHAHA!! I’m sorry, what?!

I'm a lesbian who takes birth control, and even I can't look at this without getting pregnant!
I can’t even look at this without getting pregnant, and I’m a lesbian who takes birth control!
*Clearly* this gentleman has bad luck attracting ladies.
*Clearly* this gentleman never got laid. Bless his heart.
As my mother has pointed out since I was 6, *shudders* this dude's music is the reason I exist. #WhyImInTherapy
As my mother has pointed out since I was 6, *shudders* this dude’s music is the reason I exist.
#WhyImInTherapy

“Not to mention how women also have high heels to artificially increase their height, while short men are screwed, as most women won’t date a man shorter than they are”

Sounds more like the problem is *removes punglasses CSI style*

Short guys are NOT screwed. *high fives self*

But seriously, stop blaming women for your unfuckability. If it was something as simple as footwear keeping you from getting laid, crocs would’ve gone bankrupt their first year.

"I was so totally gonna fuck him, but those shoes! Ugghhhhh!" -Literally NO ONE
“I was so totally gonna fuck him, but those shoes! Ugghhhhh!”
-Literally NO ONE
You can't get laid because women don't want to fuck short, feminine dudes? Ohhh, honeeeyyyy, it's so cute you believe that.
You can’t get laid because women don’t want to fuck short, feminine dudes?
Ohhh, honeeeyyyy, it’s so cute you believe that.

As always, thanks for reading, and please feel free to send me your beauty-related inquiries 🙂

xoxoxo

 

 

 

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